Bad Day

I am having a very emotional day, today. Nothing to do specifically with my surgery maybe just a little of life after surgery. Nothing to do with food either..

I've dropped 67-lbs and look better than I have in years......

Fine I will just say it.. I thought after this surgery my sex life might be better than the non existent state it was in, but it has not and it's not me with the problem. Now all I can think is what is wrong with me how much more do I need to lose what can I do to get him interested. Everything else in the  marriage is fine but this is my sore spot/hot button... 2 times a year does not a sex life make, 2 times a year does not intimacy bring and I am BEYOND FrUStrated .. When he is deployed most of the year I can understand why only 2 times per year, since he is NOT around, but when he is on shore duty and I see him all of the time..

I run down lists of what is wrong with me frequently and I am tearing myself apart and sinking into a depression and that is no where I want to be.. I am falling into old habits and that is NOT what I want to do, I don't want to be 235lb+ again ..I'd be semi happy if I stayed 165 but my goal is 135 and if I continue down this path I will NEVER get there..

Maybe putting it out there in the web-overse will help me to realize that I have control over what I do and the things I do WRONG, that my pouch is my tool and if I do not use it correctly then shame on me!